In an ideal world, parties would never have more than eight
people and all of those people would already know what all the other people are studying, what their hobbies are, and where they are from, so those
questions would never be asked again. Unfortunately, that is not the world we
live in. So, here are some tips for how to navigate those large social
gatherings.
1. What are you supposed to do with your hands?
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| Even the best of us struggle sometimes. |
People will want to shake your hand at functions like these.
Though tempting, it is not acceptable to bring a large box to hold in order to
avoid having to greet every new acquaintance with the touching of appendages. Just
try to find something to hold, like a plate of appetizers, so your hands don't
look so aimless floating around at the sides of your body.
2. How do you get out of a conversation that no one is
interested in, but no one knows how to end?
This is where the plate of appetizers that is keeping your
hands occupied (see #1) comes in handy. Try to always keep this plate empty, so at any moment you can say, "Shoot! I'm out of carrot slices!" Then walk away and never look back.
3. How can you
communicate with people when the sound level at the party is far above the
recommended decibels for healthy hearing?
The guy that you thought just asked you if you wanted more
soda is probably just from Minnesota, and maybe he really did say he liked your
shirt, or maybe he said he is studying literature. Who can know? Does it
matter? Just smile and nod. This will make it seem like you are aware of what
is going on, while also showing that you are a happy person.
4. What should you talk about?
If you really want to
skip right over the small talk, simply ask, "Do you consider yourself funny
and intelligent?" This will help you know if this is a person you want to ever talk to again. Disclaimer: Party going people will likely find this
question unsettling, but it is a short cut to either an interesting
conversation or at least a speedy end to what would have been an immensely
boring interaction.
If you'd like to attempt to engage in small talk, you can try to talk to people about their areas of interest. Here are a few
conversation starters that the following groups of people are sure to respond to:
Hipsters (Recognizable by their unkempt hair, mustaches,
and/or clothing that belongs in another century): What are your thoughts on
the metaphysical world's influence on the recent rise in popularity of cassette
tapes?
Outdoorsy people (recognizable by the Suburus they arrived
in, chacos on their feet, and/or the multipurpose pocket knives they carry everywhere):
"If I'm looking for an auto-locking, solar-heated climbing harness with a
built-in water filter, what brand should I go with?"
Typically "cool" people (recognizable by their
overly confident attitudes) "You smell good. Do you like making out?"
Hopefully, now you will feel a little more prepared next time you receive a Facebook event invite.
