Tips From a Perpetual 3rd-Wheeler

Trent+Kaliesha+Rachel <3

The first step is recognition: How can you tell if you're a third wheel?

Are the two people you are with holding hands? Are they also holding hands with you? If you answered yes to the first question and no to the latter, you might be third wheeling. But it can be hard to tell. Let me know if you master this one.

Next: Make sure that you are a valuable part of this relationship.

"Hey Rachel, we're going out tonight, just the two of us."
"But who will give you unbiased constructive criticism on how cheesy your jokes are?"
"You're right! You should come with us, please. Thanks for always having our backs!"

How do you know when it is time to leave them alone?

This is a tricky one, so you need to regularly ask, "Should I leave?" or "Are you sick of me yet?" or "Do you want me to go somewhere by myself to contemplate the meaning of loneliness?" If they say something along the lines of, "No...of course not....we'd love it if you stayed...." Then it is okay to stick around because they love your company. 

Jared + Lauren + Rachel = The 3 Amigos
(They approved this nickname--but don't ask them about it.)

When walking down the street, studying, or eating lunch with two friends who are in a relationship, how should you respond when people give you confused looks? 

First make eye contact. Hold the gaze of the confused stranger. Then with indignant enthusiasm shout, WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST POLYGAMY, HUH? (This will make them feel awkward and might spread misconceptions about your religion, but it will be worth it.)

Finally, what to do if they start being too affectionate in front of you:

A good trick that will get you out of this tight situation is to begin singing a catchy tune, quietly to yourself, so they think you don't notice. Then casually start dancing to your own song, and dance your way into the other room. No one's the wiser.